Seven Sins, Seven Virtues, Four Weddings and a Funeral

Bet you all thought I was self-ostracizing due to a nasty bout of syphilis, or something. But no, I was unemployed in Pennsylvania for four weeks, which is almost the same thing. It has always more than slightly annoyed me that television shows pick up exactly where they left off before they went on hiatus for several months. Does the story stop because no one is watching? With that in mind, I’m not going to fill you in on the last few weeks. Nothing of major importance happened that won’t be explained by present circumstances.

Human beings are driven by only a few core emotions. You might know these as the seven deadly sins, and their squishier, more-huggable counterparts, the seven capital virtues. If you aren’t Catholic, congratulations. I’ll give you the list, but you needn’t remember them. You’re already going to hell anyway, heathen.

Sin-----------Virtue
Pride---------Humility
Greed------------Generosity
Envy-------------Brotherly love
Gluttony---------Temperance
Lust-------------Chastity
Wrath------------Meekness
Sloth------------Diligence

Now, I’m no theologian, but I recall there being three additional virtues that you got to claim if you believed (love, faith, hope). Both the deadly sins and the capital virtues are natural to the human condition, but we can only have these theological virtues through religious ritual. And since I don’t believe we can escape the human condition, or perhaps even alter it, I’m ignoring those virtues. You might be wondering why I’m explaining what every good Kevin Spacey fan already knows. And I’m getting to that. Patience is a virtue, or at least I thought it was.

Supposedly all seven sins are equally detrimental and equally pervasive, but I say some carry a little more clout than others. Thus, the big three forces that truly drive the world: money, power, and sex. Technically, all three fall under the greed category, since the real sin is not that we rely on these vices, but that we can never seem to get enough of them. In a strange way, all three are connected. I drew you a picture:

Money---Sex
\Power/

Here’s where this starts to relate to me. I’m not the prettiest girl, nor do I have the best body. I don’t have amazing clothes, or a hot little car. I’m not particularly bright, or especially clever. In fact, there is almost nothing distinguishable about me. Except this one tiny thing: power. Power makes me attractive, and I have power because I mastered sex. It’s a cyclical thing too, cause now that I have power, I have more sex.

And finally, we get to the juicy parts. I’ve spent the better part of a year and a half constructing this bizarre house of cards, and finally, it seems, I’ve reached the top. The current situation is as follows:

Something Old: Strange things are happening with my longest running and most prized lover. His year long open relationship is coming to a close. After a night together that cannot be described as anything short of transcendent, we’ve confessed some level of feelings for one another. We let the elephant in the room; we rang the bell, and now there’s no way either one of us can back out of it. This might not seem like such a bad thing to the casual observer, but keep in mind, he’s the male equivalent of me.

Something New: I recently met a grad student doing an internship in D.C. He’s adorable, sarcastic, and yet oddly sweet. We genuinely have a good time together, and rather than counting him as one of my minions, I think I may actually enjoy his company. On the downside, he goes back to grad school in the mid-west in September.

Something Borrowed: I have a secret, and it ruins all the fun if I talk about it, though I think the title gives it away.

Something Blue: He gets his name from song lyrics we both like. He’s a little younger than me, and a little verdant. He has promise though. I have no doubt that in a few years, he’ll be doing some serious damage. But at the moment, he has almost no idea what to do with a girl like me. I don’t do charity cases, as we all know, so what does little boy blue do for me? He’s an ego boost. He’s far more attractive than me, yet I have all the power in the relationship.

So here we are. Mission accomplished. I can officially have just about any man I want, and in just about any capacity too. Certainly I’m reveling in the moment for a bit. Yet eventually, I have to make a decision. Aside from a few brief periods, there is no stagnancy in life. Beyond our natural ability for both sin and virtue, one other blatant fact remains about the human condition: it’s in a constant state of growth. If we aren’t growing, we’re dead. So where do I go from here?