I just spent an hour on a post about how my relationship is failing. I deleted it because I'm sick and fucking tired of thinking about it. While many good things have come from living here, the worst possible thing is that I feel as though I've lost myself. Most everything I ever connected with my identity is no longer part of my life. Honestly, I miss the sex. Relationships do not yield good sex and I don't fucking get it because every movie I've ever seen has led me to believe that they do just that. Then again, every porno I've ever seen indicates that the best fuck comes unexpectedly from someone there to service your plumbing or cable. Interesting.

The whole thing is about feeling independent. As it stands, it feels like my whole life is wrapped up in one person--a person who doesn't have the greatest track record with me. And it's not just the present. I've built a future in my mind that continuously seems futher away rather than closer. Should I stay or should I go?