Tips on Hosting a Pity Party
To have a really spectacular pity party, you only need a few key ingredients. Mix genuine self-loathing with crippling insecurities, add cake and booze. Simmer for 45 minutes. Ta-da!
I've been feeling pretty shitty about myself lately, I'm not completely sure why. I have a good idea, but no one thing explains how massively self-deprecating I've been in recent weeks. Literally everything about my existence is driving me nuts. My legs are too fat, my pores are too big, my breasts are too small, my arms are too jiggly, my stomach isn't flat, my voice is annoying, my hair is uncooperative, I never seem to shut up, etc. Though I normally have what, for women, would be considered normal to high self-esteem, lately I can't stop over-scrutinizing myself. Even the fact that I am being so stereotypically girly and whiny is making me want to punch myself in the head.
During times like these, I wonder if other people notice flaws as much as I do. Of course I can see every tiny detail of my person, analyze it twenty-four hours a day, and dwell on how screwed up it is while others only have a few brief moments to judge me before moving on down the road. Maybe other people are too busy engaging in self-hatred to bother noticing me. That seems logical, but part of me doubts that it's true of everyone. Take me for example. I freely judge people all the time and for almost any reason. Clothes are too tight or trashy, shoes don't match belt, hair is poorly dyed, boyfriend is ugly, nose is crooked, wearing a scrunchie, etc. I also secretly feel happy when people I hate get fat. I know that most of my hyper-vigilance and judgment of strangers is an effort to cope with my own insecurity. I also know that, in my mind, I'm comparing other women to myself and ranking us all accordingly. Perhaps there is a correlation between my recent spike in insecurity and what I perceive to be a drop in rank.
Fuck it. I'm going to get drunk. Nothing raises the spirits like a depressant.
I've been feeling pretty shitty about myself lately, I'm not completely sure why. I have a good idea, but no one thing explains how massively self-deprecating I've been in recent weeks. Literally everything about my existence is driving me nuts. My legs are too fat, my pores are too big, my breasts are too small, my arms are too jiggly, my stomach isn't flat, my voice is annoying, my hair is uncooperative, I never seem to shut up, etc. Though I normally have what, for women, would be considered normal to high self-esteem, lately I can't stop over-scrutinizing myself. Even the fact that I am being so stereotypically girly and whiny is making me want to punch myself in the head.
During times like these, I wonder if other people notice flaws as much as I do. Of course I can see every tiny detail of my person, analyze it twenty-four hours a day, and dwell on how screwed up it is while others only have a few brief moments to judge me before moving on down the road. Maybe other people are too busy engaging in self-hatred to bother noticing me. That seems logical, but part of me doubts that it's true of everyone. Take me for example. I freely judge people all the time and for almost any reason. Clothes are too tight or trashy, shoes don't match belt, hair is poorly dyed, boyfriend is ugly, nose is crooked, wearing a scrunchie, etc. I also secretly feel happy when people I hate get fat. I know that most of my hyper-vigilance and judgment of strangers is an effort to cope with my own insecurity. I also know that, in my mind, I'm comparing other women to myself and ranking us all accordingly. Perhaps there is a correlation between my recent spike in insecurity and what I perceive to be a drop in rank.
Fuck it. I'm going to get drunk. Nothing raises the spirits like a depressant.
posted by The Husskateer at 8:29 PM
1 Comments:
I think most everyone gets like that once in a while.
I have a lower than typical self esteem, mostly due to comparing myself to myself in the past, I guess.
When you look around though, there is just so much fug. And stupidity. In my head I know I must really be pretty decent but I don't feel like that unless I am in seriously good shape.
As for people noticing you, I would not worry much. Guys hardly notice 80% of the details women obsess about themselves over, and girls as you said will mostly be too caught up in their own self.
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