Karmic Retribution

In years past, I made a concerted effort to avoid complicated sexual situations. I never slept with any of my friends or even friends of friends. I was so careful in the selection of my partners that I only slept with someone from my university two years after I graduated. My efforts were not in vain either. Despite dozens of lovers in the National Capital Region, I had only accidentally run into someone I fucked once. The interaction was so brief that I could barely feel the awkwardness. But barely is too much.

Part of the reason I chose boys from far outside my social and professional circles was to avoid all the awkward moments that follow the end of sex. Once I've slept with someone, I can only think one thing when I see them again: penis in vagina. Oh yeah.

Another great reason to avoid mixing professional, personal, or social relationships with sexual ones is because I don't want to risk existing relationships. Don't put your pen in the company ink, you know what I mean? Beyond the obvious risks (i.e. becoming known as the easy office lay, losing your cheap housing due to awkward roommate situation, etc.), there are more subtle complications to be aware of. Friends seem more apt to frown upon these mixed relationships. Moreover, they are even more than normal to offer unsolicited advice. I hate unsolicited advice. When others know your lover, they can become jealous or start to take sides. It's frustrating, and frankly, much more of a bother than I'm willing to put up with. The less complicated my sex life is, the happier I am. And for years, the system worked. All was right with the world. Oh but then...

Lately it seems I can't keep my hands out of the proverbial cookie jar. From The Roommate to The Friend of a Friend to The Volunteer, I can't seem to avoid temptation close to home. Even in the moment I recognize that eventually the situation will become, at best, uncomfortable and, at worst, personally detrimental. Well, finally the cookie bit back. Literally. A fortune cookie broke my tooth on Monday night. Maybe now I can sleep with my dentist...