The Mess We're In
Something old has become something new, and I feel as though I am obligated to report the transition. Of course this means providing context.
I originally met Steven 350 days ago (I know due to blog posts). If you'd want to read about our encounters, check out August 8th and February 24th. In the beginning, our interactions were simple: we talked on occassion, and spent the night in a hotel once for a ridiculous amount of sex. Neither us wanted commitment, or really anything much more than that night in the hotel. It's a concept that some people might refer to as 'no strings attached.' Now, what have we learned about strings? Some strings disappear into the top of my pajama pants, never to be heard from again. Other strings develop over time, and if you aren't careful, you wind up tied to a sinking ship.
I teased him for abandoning free love when he moved in with one of his lovers. They eventually became something of a serious item, which resulted in a barrage of taunts from one sanctimonious hussy. That being said, he was generally supportive during the Buffalo affair, and spent the weekend afterwards sufficently distracting me.
Now, I feel as though there is more to the story than can be described in a synopsis of our interactions. Steven fascinates me, and he terrifies me, because unlike my other conquests, I feel as though he is an equal. To use a terrible metaphor, our relationship is a strange dance, a delicate force that must be kept in perfect balance. He takes one step, and I must make the cooresponding one. If we disrupt the balance, who knows what could happen.
Several things have tipped the scale during the last few months. First, his girlfriend moved out, signaling an imminent end to their arrangement. Second, the sex got exponentially better. Third, I slipped up. He took a step in by granting me access to his own blog archives. I should have taken a step back, and comfortably distanced myself from the situation. Instead, I perused entries for mentions of me. Aside from the occassional humerous quote from me, I am all but vacant from the record of his life. There are now three entries dedicated entirely to him here at Boys Say the Darndest Things. He asked me what I thought of his blog, and I should have remained reserved. Instead, I blurted out the truth. It bothered me that he had meant something to my life, and that I had meant very little to his. And it bothered me because I had broken my cardinal rule; I developed feelings for someone I was sleeping with.
Despite all logic, the nature of our relationship, and our shared philosophy on sex, the feeling is apparently mutal. And so here we are; the mess we're in. At the moment, very little has changed, and yet everything seems to have changed.
The city sunset over me.
I originally met Steven 350 days ago (I know due to blog posts). If you'd want to read about our encounters, check out August 8th and February 24th. In the beginning, our interactions were simple: we talked on occassion, and spent the night in a hotel once for a ridiculous amount of sex. Neither us wanted commitment, or really anything much more than that night in the hotel. It's a concept that some people might refer to as 'no strings attached.' Now, what have we learned about strings? Some strings disappear into the top of my pajama pants, never to be heard from again. Other strings develop over time, and if you aren't careful, you wind up tied to a sinking ship.
I teased him for abandoning free love when he moved in with one of his lovers. They eventually became something of a serious item, which resulted in a barrage of taunts from one sanctimonious hussy. That being said, he was generally supportive during the Buffalo affair, and spent the weekend afterwards sufficently distracting me.
Now, I feel as though there is more to the story than can be described in a synopsis of our interactions. Steven fascinates me, and he terrifies me, because unlike my other conquests, I feel as though he is an equal. To use a terrible metaphor, our relationship is a strange dance, a delicate force that must be kept in perfect balance. He takes one step, and I must make the cooresponding one. If we disrupt the balance, who knows what could happen.
Several things have tipped the scale during the last few months. First, his girlfriend moved out, signaling an imminent end to their arrangement. Second, the sex got exponentially better. Third, I slipped up. He took a step in by granting me access to his own blog archives. I should have taken a step back, and comfortably distanced myself from the situation. Instead, I perused entries for mentions of me. Aside from the occassional humerous quote from me, I am all but vacant from the record of his life. There are now three entries dedicated entirely to him here at Boys Say the Darndest Things. He asked me what I thought of his blog, and I should have remained reserved. Instead, I blurted out the truth. It bothered me that he had meant something to my life, and that I had meant very little to his. And it bothered me because I had broken my cardinal rule; I developed feelings for someone I was sleeping with.
Despite all logic, the nature of our relationship, and our shared philosophy on sex, the feeling is apparently mutal. And so here we are; the mess we're in. At the moment, very little has changed, and yet everything seems to have changed.
The city sunset over me.
posted by The Husskateer at 7:33 PM
4 Comments:
Hmm...Anonymous, I do believe you're a bot. I remember folks like you from my good old days of being a phone sex operator. And here I got all excited about having a comment.
Well, I'll leave you a real comment to make up for the spambot.
So what happens next? Have you talked to him?
Did you ever tell us what happened to that phone sex job?
Despite a few amusing phone sex stories, it was mostly pretty sucky. More than a few times I had to deal with really disturbed individuals. Technically I had to quit because I had to go back to PA for awhile and my grandparents frown on that sort of thing. But, I probably would have left eventually. If you want more details, I'll share a few stories some time.
And in response to Drew's question, see the most recent post. I did a stupid thing, but the past is the past...even if it just happened.
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