Freudian Family Systems
I once read that philandering fathers produce monogamous sons and adulterous daughters. As I reflect on my escapades, I find myself searching for my trigger. In the world of addiction, a trigger is what sets you off on a destructive path--what pushes you so far that you are unable to metaphorically "just say no."
I've thought of the "Big 5", the moments that may have led me here. I've also considered more academic theories, the ladder theory, the evolution of sexuality, or perhaps even some bizarre genetic reason beyond my feeble grasp. None of it seemed to fully explain my experiences, or my frustrations.
On Saturday, I had an epiphany. At some ridiculous family party, my father informed me that my calves are too fat. This probably comes out of the blue for most people because I very rarely mention my father, least of all the fact that he has always criticized my body. I immediately hit the bar and my grandmother's stash of "nerve pills". An hour and half a bottle of Jack into my binge I considered that my father may have quite a lot to do with my current state. My father is what some people would call a ladies man, though I can't for the life of me see why. He constantly cheated on my mother, and I'm fairly certain has a little franchise of families in the south-east Pennsylvania region. While I loath cheaters, I have at least matched, if not surpassed, my father on the scale of philandering. I'm sure some people would have made this connection sooner, but frankly, I don't think of my father much because he wasn't around all that much. In fact, I haven't lived with him for the better part of a decade.
So I've compiled a list of theories as to how my father's devious bed-hopping might have inspired my own. Wouldn't Daddy be proud?
~~~Freud says that daughters love their fathers. No, more than that. Daughters are in love with their fathers. Freud was a smart man but he did too much cocaine and had a penis, so therefore probably had a difficult time conceptualizing the female condition. Gayle Rubin says Freud was right, but he doesn't go far enough. Why do we love our fathers? Because they represent power. We want to emulate our fathers so we can have power, but we can't have power because we lack the phallus. The only way to be near the power is to be intimate with men, thus heterosexuality is born. At least on a subconscious level, girl children grow to understand that power is held by fathers, and eventually transferred to sons. Power is transferred by trading women. Thus the child learns that she is an object through which power travels. In a Freudian sense, I have disrupted the flow of power because I trade myself. Moreover, within the confines of the exchange (ie. when I'm fucking someone) power is transferred to me. When the exchange is over, power returns. So maybe I fuck because I'm power-hungry.
~~~Philandering fathers don't tend to be around much, and someone has to take on their responsibilities. As the oldest child, I did. Perhaps in an effort to maintain the structure of the family, I copied my father's sexual habits. Of course, then there is just the simple explanation that we learn what we see. Though to that I argue: why didn't I learn monogamy from my mother?
~~~Saturday's example suggests another theory. Perhaps I fuck to prove my father wrong. Whenever he points out a physical flaw, I think, "Well, so and so didn't seem to mind." Maybe rejection from the father spawned a desire to be accepted by other men.
I'm still mulling all this around in my mind, since I've got nothing better to do. I apologize for this deep and completely unfunny post. I shall have another for you soon that will be hilarious, at least in my mind.
I've thought of the "Big 5", the moments that may have led me here. I've also considered more academic theories, the ladder theory, the evolution of sexuality, or perhaps even some bizarre genetic reason beyond my feeble grasp. None of it seemed to fully explain my experiences, or my frustrations.
On Saturday, I had an epiphany. At some ridiculous family party, my father informed me that my calves are too fat. This probably comes out of the blue for most people because I very rarely mention my father, least of all the fact that he has always criticized my body. I immediately hit the bar and my grandmother's stash of "nerve pills". An hour and half a bottle of Jack into my binge I considered that my father may have quite a lot to do with my current state. My father is what some people would call a ladies man, though I can't for the life of me see why. He constantly cheated on my mother, and I'm fairly certain has a little franchise of families in the south-east Pennsylvania region. While I loath cheaters, I have at least matched, if not surpassed, my father on the scale of philandering. I'm sure some people would have made this connection sooner, but frankly, I don't think of my father much because he wasn't around all that much. In fact, I haven't lived with him for the better part of a decade.
So I've compiled a list of theories as to how my father's devious bed-hopping might have inspired my own. Wouldn't Daddy be proud?
~~~Freud says that daughters love their fathers. No, more than that. Daughters are in love with their fathers. Freud was a smart man but he did too much cocaine and had a penis, so therefore probably had a difficult time conceptualizing the female condition. Gayle Rubin says Freud was right, but he doesn't go far enough. Why do we love our fathers? Because they represent power. We want to emulate our fathers so we can have power, but we can't have power because we lack the phallus. The only way to be near the power is to be intimate with men, thus heterosexuality is born. At least on a subconscious level, girl children grow to understand that power is held by fathers, and eventually transferred to sons. Power is transferred by trading women. Thus the child learns that she is an object through which power travels. In a Freudian sense, I have disrupted the flow of power because I trade myself. Moreover, within the confines of the exchange (ie. when I'm fucking someone) power is transferred to me. When the exchange is over, power returns. So maybe I fuck because I'm power-hungry.
~~~Philandering fathers don't tend to be around much, and someone has to take on their responsibilities. As the oldest child, I did. Perhaps in an effort to maintain the structure of the family, I copied my father's sexual habits. Of course, then there is just the simple explanation that we learn what we see. Though to that I argue: why didn't I learn monogamy from my mother?
~~~Saturday's example suggests another theory. Perhaps I fuck to prove my father wrong. Whenever he points out a physical flaw, I think, "Well, so and so didn't seem to mind." Maybe rejection from the father spawned a desire to be accepted by other men.
I'm still mulling all this around in my mind, since I've got nothing better to do. I apologize for this deep and completely unfunny post. I shall have another for you soon that will be hilarious, at least in my mind.
posted by The Husskateer at 12:49 PM
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