Press 1 to sell your soul. Press 3 to decline.

I have absolutely no energy to post, but I felt I should let you all know I'm still alive, and perhaps even give you something amusing to read for a bit. Here are some entertaining phone sex experiences I've had in the last few days.

*Caller requested that I put my panties on top of his penis (penis, not cock, mind you) while I jerked him off. Caller then I requested that I mail him said panties and a pair of my thigh-high stockings.

*Caller talked to me for ten minutes about his mother's anal sex antics with the landlord. Caller did not seem at all interested in having a wank, or listening to me.

*Most callers don't last more than 6 minutes. This isn't surprising considering the average male can only handle 3 to 5 minutes of continual stimulation.

*Numerous men like to send me their webcams completely unsolicited. They are always jerking off in them. I keep wanting to ask if any woman has ever found that sexy.

*I've decided I'm going to make shirts that say "Pay to Play Only!". They will be ridiculously hot. Let me know if you want one.

*Everyone thinks they're smooth enough to get something for free. One guy told me I should call him for free because he was in Iraq, protecting me and it was my patriotic duty to get him off.

*Think of the most mundane everyday act. There's a fetish for it. Think of the most disturbing sexual act you ever heard of or participated in. Now double it. That's what's going on while we're all looking the other way.