Desert Island
My desert island, all time, top five break ups, in chronological order are as follows:
Andrew: I met him the week before I lost my virginity to someone else. I was a senior in high school, and my relationship with him represented something pure. He was probably the only person I fully let in. We never had sex, and that’s the only time that’s ever happened. Three months passed, and when he told me it was over for reasons I have yet to understand, in my teenage angst, I cried for days. It took a long time to get over him. I don’t believe that we can never let go of first loves, but I do believe that there is an element of those moments in every other relationship we have. I also believe our theoretical hearts only get broken once. But I still call him every time I find a new chip in mine.
Phil: End of freshmen year of college, I spend four months dating a 5’8’’ shmuck with a tiny dick. What can I say, I didn’t know any better. I never actually loved him, but he makes his way into the top five because of the reason we broke up. Through a fluke, I discovered he was married. Tricky bastard thought I wouldn’t figure it out. I ratted him out to his wife. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I wasn’t so much sad that the relationship had ended; it probably would have shortly anyway. I was pissed that he had lied to me, and that I had been a part of something I considered morally reprehensible.
Jay: I met Jay sophomore year. Things were good, not spectacular, but good. It sounds boring, and maybe it was. We dated for almost a year and a half. I broke up with him because I didn’t want this to be the breadth of my experiences. I in fact broke up with Jay to become a hussy. At 20, I felt like I couldn’t limit myself, which is all of course complete bullshit. At 22, I know that I limited myself more by doing what I did. Being with him was comfortable. So comfortable that I worried I’d never be brave enough to try for anything else. Of them all, he’s the one I wonder most about.
Ricky: End of junior year, I ended up in a fling. What a way to start the summer. I didn’t expect anything to develop from it. We fought all the time, and I mean really fought. Standing in the middle of the street screaming at each other simply because it was raining. The next day, he’d call and we’d have the kind of make-up sex that literally leaves marks on you. He was obsessed with the idea of being in love, which is addictive at first. Eventually, I just got tired. How could anyone feel so strongly for months on end? I can’t talk about how it ended. There are pieces of him still lingering in my life. When you look at me in the right light, you can still see it, though I do my best not to miss him.
Chad: This is possibly the worst one, perhaps because it’s the most recent. Chad didn’t say fuck, or have sex. He said make love, even though I knew that wasn’t what we were doing. He was the best kisser in the history of kissers. He’d put his hands on the sides of my face, and deliver this soft, slow, long kiss. And it just made me melt. He had a great laugh, which showed that one of his top teeth was just a tiny bit crooked. It’s funny the things we choose to remember. He broke up with me two days before Valentine’s Day, and even though I’m not a romantic, I can’t lie and say I wasn’t crushed. He told me it was the hardest thing he ever had to do, and that if it were a different time, things would be different. Neither of those things was a comfort. The whole thing was like a fucking movie, and situations like that should always be avoided. I fucked three guys that week. Falling off the wagon is bad enough, but in this case, the wagon backed up and ran me over.
Now, two weeks before graduation, I’m filled with nostalgia over the top five. They each marked the phases of my college life and my relationships with them captured who I was in those moments. But college is almost over, and it’s finally time to say good-bye, once and for all, to the all time top five and head on down the road.
“Most of the time, I'm halfway content. Most of the time, I know exactly where I went. I don't cheat on myself, I don't run and hide, hide from the feelings that are buried inside. I don't compromise and I don't pretend. I don't even care if I ever see her again, most of the time.”
Andrew: I met him the week before I lost my virginity to someone else. I was a senior in high school, and my relationship with him represented something pure. He was probably the only person I fully let in. We never had sex, and that’s the only time that’s ever happened. Three months passed, and when he told me it was over for reasons I have yet to understand, in my teenage angst, I cried for days. It took a long time to get over him. I don’t believe that we can never let go of first loves, but I do believe that there is an element of those moments in every other relationship we have. I also believe our theoretical hearts only get broken once. But I still call him every time I find a new chip in mine.
Phil: End of freshmen year of college, I spend four months dating a 5’8’’ shmuck with a tiny dick. What can I say, I didn’t know any better. I never actually loved him, but he makes his way into the top five because of the reason we broke up. Through a fluke, I discovered he was married. Tricky bastard thought I wouldn’t figure it out. I ratted him out to his wife. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I wasn’t so much sad that the relationship had ended; it probably would have shortly anyway. I was pissed that he had lied to me, and that I had been a part of something I considered morally reprehensible.
Jay: I met Jay sophomore year. Things were good, not spectacular, but good. It sounds boring, and maybe it was. We dated for almost a year and a half. I broke up with him because I didn’t want this to be the breadth of my experiences. I in fact broke up with Jay to become a hussy. At 20, I felt like I couldn’t limit myself, which is all of course complete bullshit. At 22, I know that I limited myself more by doing what I did. Being with him was comfortable. So comfortable that I worried I’d never be brave enough to try for anything else. Of them all, he’s the one I wonder most about.
Ricky: End of junior year, I ended up in a fling. What a way to start the summer. I didn’t expect anything to develop from it. We fought all the time, and I mean really fought. Standing in the middle of the street screaming at each other simply because it was raining. The next day, he’d call and we’d have the kind of make-up sex that literally leaves marks on you. He was obsessed with the idea of being in love, which is addictive at first. Eventually, I just got tired. How could anyone feel so strongly for months on end? I can’t talk about how it ended. There are pieces of him still lingering in my life. When you look at me in the right light, you can still see it, though I do my best not to miss him.
Chad: This is possibly the worst one, perhaps because it’s the most recent. Chad didn’t say fuck, or have sex. He said make love, even though I knew that wasn’t what we were doing. He was the best kisser in the history of kissers. He’d put his hands on the sides of my face, and deliver this soft, slow, long kiss. And it just made me melt. He had a great laugh, which showed that one of his top teeth was just a tiny bit crooked. It’s funny the things we choose to remember. He broke up with me two days before Valentine’s Day, and even though I’m not a romantic, I can’t lie and say I wasn’t crushed. He told me it was the hardest thing he ever had to do, and that if it were a different time, things would be different. Neither of those things was a comfort. The whole thing was like a fucking movie, and situations like that should always be avoided. I fucked three guys that week. Falling off the wagon is bad enough, but in this case, the wagon backed up and ran me over.
Now, two weeks before graduation, I’m filled with nostalgia over the top five. They each marked the phases of my college life and my relationships with them captured who I was in those moments. But college is almost over, and it’s finally time to say good-bye, once and for all, to the all time top five and head on down the road.
“Most of the time, I'm halfway content. Most of the time, I know exactly where I went. I don't cheat on myself, I don't run and hide, hide from the feelings that are buried inside. I don't compromise and I don't pretend. I don't even care if I ever see her again, most of the time.”
posted by The Husskateer at 10:02 PM
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