The Rules of Attraction

I doubt that this post will come out coherent. It's 5:30 in the morning, and I can't sleep. At least not yet. I've had a lot on my mind lately--remembering the past, analyzing the present, and reconsidering the future. I wonder if the people I sleep with know that there are parts of me I'm always keeping at arm's length. It's been so long since I've allowed anyone to see those parts of me that I wonder if I still know how to let people in. People probably imagine those parts to be my fears and insecurities, the same dark secrets that everyone has in their past, but those aren't the parts I keep hidden. Fear and insecurity are able to withstand scrutiny; they're stronger than we think. Fear and insecurity are always there, despite anyone's best efforts to eradicate them. It's hope that is truly fragile.

"And then it occurred to him: he couldn't remember the last time he'd had sex slowly."