Contradictions

As I sat on my balcony tonight, thinking about last night and a night two weeks ago and the city lights streched out around me, I couldn't help but think about the contradictions of our lives. Our experiences are so shockingly significant. One moment in my bedroom becomes an eternal memory. Maybe it's just an orgasm; maybe it's just sex. When people say that sex can mean more, I always assumed that meant a connection between the two people, and since I had never felt that, I assumed that my experiences were hollow or somehow insignificant. Now I'm beginning to think it's about a connection with yourself. And then it all makes so much more sense. There is reassurance in that.

At the same time, those moments are only seconds shared between two people. Billions of moments just like it have come and gone without anyone noticing. Billions of people just like us have shared those same moments, and that knowledge can make one feel very small and insignificant. We all want to be remembered and for there to be proof of our lives. We write books, compose songs, create art, erect statues, wage wars, have children--all in monument to our existance. But most of us won't publish, or hear ourselves on the radio, or be immortalized in bronze. Rather than constantly striving to be part of the future, maybe we should focus on being part of the present. Significant moments only exist in contrast to insignificant ones. And the only ones who will ever remember the whole story is us.