Neuroscience and behavior
Excuse the title. It was chosen by my office mate, who is fabulous, but not so great at naming blog posts. Although, in a strange way, it seems relevant.
I'm having some minor anxiety related to the new boy. In sexual relationships, I have power, and it feels good. Anyone who says they don't enjoy feeling powerful is either in denial, or a lying bastard. Power is unbelievably attractive, and comes to us from every one of our senses. We know what power looks like, even if we don't consciously realize it. After all, we love a woman in red more than a woman in green. It's the red light district, not the yellow light district. There is something about red that conveys deviance, confidence, secrets, strength, and above all else, power.
Traditionally, I have mastered the art of sexual power. I have confidence in my sexual skills, and I always wear my favorite red pants on a "date". It works every time. I don't have to be interesting, or witty, or smart, or even all that good looking because when you believe you have power, other people believe it too. So in the sexual realm, I dominate. And I love it. It's an egomaniacs wet dream. But in an emotional context, I am utterly useless, which is an egomaniacs worst nightmare. Some people go through their whole lives powerless, and probably don't know the difference. But once you've had that feeling of control, it's very difficult to go back to feeling weak.
It's easy to figure out what people want sexually. They want orgasms. They want to be naughty. They want to do all the things they can't do with "nice" girls. I know this, we all know this. Tragically though, I have no idea what people want emotionally. The reason for this is twofold. First, I have no idea what I want emotionally. For quite awhile I've convinced myself (and others) that I am not an emotional being, but really that's just rubbish. As a result of neglecting this side of myself, I've become very very good at sexual relationships and completely retarded when it comes to emotional relationships. So now he's the one with the power, and I'm the one left chasing after it. And I hate it. It's like a dominant being tied down. It's unnatural.
So that's the current state of affairs for this Huskateer. I feel like I should be demoted from my post for failure to complete my mission.
Oh, and I haven't heard anything regarding results yet, so I guess no news is good news. I'll call them next week just to be sure. And on a positive note, I got 29 free condoms for this weekend, including a kind of haven't tried yet. Beyond 7, ultra thin, ultra durable. Leave it to the Japanese to create such a wonderful combination.
I'm having some minor anxiety related to the new boy. In sexual relationships, I have power, and it feels good. Anyone who says they don't enjoy feeling powerful is either in denial, or a lying bastard. Power is unbelievably attractive, and comes to us from every one of our senses. We know what power looks like, even if we don't consciously realize it. After all, we love a woman in red more than a woman in green. It's the red light district, not the yellow light district. There is something about red that conveys deviance, confidence, secrets, strength, and above all else, power.
Traditionally, I have mastered the art of sexual power. I have confidence in my sexual skills, and I always wear my favorite red pants on a "date". It works every time. I don't have to be interesting, or witty, or smart, or even all that good looking because when you believe you have power, other people believe it too. So in the sexual realm, I dominate. And I love it. It's an egomaniacs wet dream. But in an emotional context, I am utterly useless, which is an egomaniacs worst nightmare. Some people go through their whole lives powerless, and probably don't know the difference. But once you've had that feeling of control, it's very difficult to go back to feeling weak.
It's easy to figure out what people want sexually. They want orgasms. They want to be naughty. They want to do all the things they can't do with "nice" girls. I know this, we all know this. Tragically though, I have no idea what people want emotionally. The reason for this is twofold. First, I have no idea what I want emotionally. For quite awhile I've convinced myself (and others) that I am not an emotional being, but really that's just rubbish. As a result of neglecting this side of myself, I've become very very good at sexual relationships and completely retarded when it comes to emotional relationships. So now he's the one with the power, and I'm the one left chasing after it. And I hate it. It's like a dominant being tied down. It's unnatural.
So that's the current state of affairs for this Huskateer. I feel like I should be demoted from my post for failure to complete my mission.
Oh, and I haven't heard anything regarding results yet, so I guess no news is good news. I'll call them next week just to be sure. And on a positive note, I got 29 free condoms for this weekend, including a kind of haven't tried yet. Beyond 7, ultra thin, ultra durable. Leave it to the Japanese to create such a wonderful combination.
posted by The Husskateer at 1:40 PM
7 Comments:
So basically you are just another emotionally screwed up chick. How pedestrian. How disappointing.
Oh no, what a surprise. I actually have feelings! I know this must be earth shattering news.
Don't take it the wrong way. You have to understand that there is a common (and unrealistic) male fantasy that women exist somewhere with the purely sexual urges, like men, and that these women are not struggling with the same emotional and psychological issues regarding love, committment and so on, that plague most women. It's like the disappointment that men feel when they learn that yet another porn actress was raped, molested or abused. It ruins the fantasy by confirming the thought that only a truly damaged woman would engage in such conduct.
Of course women have purely sexual urges. Don't be an idiot. People aren't just one thing. Men aren't just sexual and women aren't just emotional. I know it's a difficult concept to master, but someone can fuck you just for the orgasm and fall in love with someone else. We are complex creatures. Wouldn't life be amazingly wonderful if some people were just capable of fucking and other people were just capable of love? But sadly, everyone is capable of both. It should come as no surprise to anyone that I'm no different. I am human, after all.
And for the record, I was never abused or raped or molested. Surely I've incurred my fair share of emotional trauma, but that's not why I carry on like I do. Just for the sake of argument, I would say that only truly damaged women would believe in love. Maybe porn stars and prostitutes and, yes even hussies understand something most don't. Sex is not about love. We have been socialized to believe that it is, and our cultural values reinforce that everyday. But sex is one of our most basic human functions. We eat, we fuck, and we die. That's what we do. Sex can be moralized, marketed, sold, and categorized, but at the end of the day, it's still the same thing. So my point is that a porn star or a prostitute detachs the meaning from the act--to him or her, sex is a job. And to me, sex can be a recreation, exercise, entertainment, a release. It can be no more complicated than a sneeze. But it can also be about trust, friendship, and love.
Wouldn't we get bored if sex was just one thing? Wouldn't that mean denying that we aren't just one thing?
Thank you. That was a very thoughtful and passionate response to what was obviously a shallow comment.
To my mind, however, problems can emerge when the two participants in sex are viewing the same act differently. I have seen trouble emerge when one person thinks that the act is about love and trust, while the other thinks that it is about friendship and fun. I'm not saying that this is always a recipe for disaster, but any time that expectations and understandings diverge radically, I think that the situation can turn poisonous. And yes, feelings can get hurt.
In the end, I feel that the question is whether the sexual or social practices that you choose work for you and make you a happy person. (Or, more accurately, happier than other choices would make you.) If this means choosing one person for a long-term monogomous relationship, then that is great -- if you are satisfied. (Which doesn't mean that you never want something else.) If it means a mixture of longer relationships with short-term sexual encounters, that is great also, if it makes you happy.
I do doubt, though, as a matter of fact (though I would be open to contrary evidence), that most prostitutes and porn stars are happy with their sexual choices over the long term. It is tough to get an honest answer on these issues from them because they are invested in believing that the lifestyle is not emotionally corrosive. (You could say the same for those who are committed to monogomy, I guess.)
I agree, though not entirely with the bit about sex workers.
You are sweet to respond. Have a wonderful weekend, and be good to yourself.
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