The good ol' days
Remember way back in the day when I still liked casual hook ups? Well, back then I went out with this boy once or twice. He warrented a few posts on here, not because of his skill but because of his lameness. I thought that I had successfully dodged having to sleep with him, but apparently I was wrong. Every day that I've been home for break he has managed to im me or call me or send me ridiculous text messages about how we should get a hotel room. Really, I'm just not in the mood for his shite. Let's examine why because I'm bored at work.
1. He drives a maroon mercedes. Most people would put this in the pro column, but here is why I refuse to. It's not his car. He's one of those lucky bastards whose parents have some money and shower their offspring with extravagent gifts. I have no patience for people like that. He's the kind of kid who wouldn't have given me the time of day in high school. For some inexplicable reason, he now feels that I'm worthy of fucking...though he probably still wouldn't give me the time of day.
2. He's too desperate. If you call me every night, asking me to get a hotel room with you, I know that you have no other life which is extremely unsexy. Even in my casual sex days, I was something of a predator. I need the thrill of the case.
3. I can already tell that he doesn't give good head, if any at all. Even though I only hooked up with him once, the way he carries himself suggests that he's pretty damn selfish, and people like that are never good in bed.
4. He thinks he's the exception. Probably as a result of his upbringing, he thinks that he's above the rules. As we all know, I have dating rules that must be strictly adhered to for safety and sanity reasons. I have made exceptions in the past, and I haven't always regreted them, but he needs to know that he's not special enough to get that kind of treatment.
5. I'm just not attracted to him. I can't believe I'm really saying that. It must be his personality, because frankly, the kid is a little hottie. Granted he's only like 19, but still. I tend to be attracted to a little belly on a boy, but he does have great abs. And he smells good...very good. And he wears nice boxers.
Now, none of this information might seem important to you, but I find it fascinating. It demonstrates a fundamental change in the way that I "date" (see previous vocabulary lesson). It used to be such that if a boy expressed interest, I hooked up with him, probably gave him amazing head, and possibly fucked him. I still would have known that he was selfish and probably bad in bed, but I would have done it anyway.
To make an analogy, when you're in high school, you'll drink whatever liquor you can get. You don't care that it's Beast or Naddy Ice. In fact, you'll drink Tenley brand vodka, which tastes suspiciously like rubbing alcohol. Because that's what there is, and frankly, you're too dumb to know the difference. But as we get older and more experienced, our tastes become more refined. Now, we'd rather spend the extra money for Grey Goose or Yuengling or snazzy Belgian beer. Of course, we still drink as much as we did in high school, if not more, we're just more discriminating about what we drink.
I still get all the benefits of sex without the burning sensation. Wow, that turned out to be a better analogy than I thought.
Our little baby is all growed up!
1. He drives a maroon mercedes. Most people would put this in the pro column, but here is why I refuse to. It's not his car. He's one of those lucky bastards whose parents have some money and shower their offspring with extravagent gifts. I have no patience for people like that. He's the kind of kid who wouldn't have given me the time of day in high school. For some inexplicable reason, he now feels that I'm worthy of fucking...though he probably still wouldn't give me the time of day.
2. He's too desperate. If you call me every night, asking me to get a hotel room with you, I know that you have no other life which is extremely unsexy. Even in my casual sex days, I was something of a predator. I need the thrill of the case.
3. I can already tell that he doesn't give good head, if any at all. Even though I only hooked up with him once, the way he carries himself suggests that he's pretty damn selfish, and people like that are never good in bed.
4. He thinks he's the exception. Probably as a result of his upbringing, he thinks that he's above the rules. As we all know, I have dating rules that must be strictly adhered to for safety and sanity reasons. I have made exceptions in the past, and I haven't always regreted them, but he needs to know that he's not special enough to get that kind of treatment.
5. I'm just not attracted to him. I can't believe I'm really saying that. It must be his personality, because frankly, the kid is a little hottie. Granted he's only like 19, but still. I tend to be attracted to a little belly on a boy, but he does have great abs. And he smells good...very good. And he wears nice boxers.
Now, none of this information might seem important to you, but I find it fascinating. It demonstrates a fundamental change in the way that I "date" (see previous vocabulary lesson). It used to be such that if a boy expressed interest, I hooked up with him, probably gave him amazing head, and possibly fucked him. I still would have known that he was selfish and probably bad in bed, but I would have done it anyway.
To make an analogy, when you're in high school, you'll drink whatever liquor you can get. You don't care that it's Beast or Naddy Ice. In fact, you'll drink Tenley brand vodka, which tastes suspiciously like rubbing alcohol. Because that's what there is, and frankly, you're too dumb to know the difference. But as we get older and more experienced, our tastes become more refined. Now, we'd rather spend the extra money for Grey Goose or Yuengling or snazzy Belgian beer. Of course, we still drink as much as we did in high school, if not more, we're just more discriminating about what we drink.
I still get all the benefits of sex without the burning sensation. Wow, that turned out to be a better analogy than I thought.
Our little baby is all growed up!
posted by The Husskateer at 11:10 AM
1 Comments:
Bellies are beautiful things.
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