Monogamy is a sexual dysfunction
Apparently it's really difficult for me to have sex with someone I care about. Scratch that. It was difficult for me to have first time sex with someone I really care about. I did, but the following conversation resulted from it.
Me: After Chipotle, we need to go to CVS.
Toby: What do you need at CVS?
Me: Lube.
[mildly awkward pause.]
Boy: I was wondering what answer you were going to give.
Toby: You know you could have lied and said anything else instead...like lotion or deodorant.
So I then purchased KY with the boy standing on one side of me and Toby on the other. The cashier at CVS then felt the need to ask me if we were all together, and then swipe the KY FOUR TIMES. I was absolutely convinced that it was going to become a horribly embarressing price-check moment. It's not at all that I'm embarressed to buy sex related products. Quite the contrary, I handle condoms and lube and dental dams all day. Rather, it's that a fucking scene had to be made by the idiotic and sexually unappealing high school dropouts who work at CVS. As any sexually experienced person knows, lube only makes the sex better. A drop or two inside the condom does wonders, as well as a few on the outside. Not only does it increase pleasure and decrease irritation, but it is also helpful for the prevention of sexually transmitted infections. Lube helps to keep the condom from breaking. However, to the average American, KY means one thing and one thing only: anal sex. This was, of course, the assumption that Russell and my roommates made. Now, I'm not knocking anal sex. I simply don't like the idea of people speculating about my sex life--especially the bums who work at CVS and the college students who hang out there 24 hours a day. For god's sake, I post an online journal displaying more information than most do about their "intimate encounters." Don't speculate about what I do in my bedroom. You can read about it for free, or for a little extra, see something a little more stimulating...just kidding.
All and all, the weekend was outstanding, and the boy was exactly what I needed. Could this be the beginning of a new era?
Me: After Chipotle, we need to go to CVS.
Toby: What do you need at CVS?
Me: Lube.
[mildly awkward pause.]
Boy: I was wondering what answer you were going to give.
Toby: You know you could have lied and said anything else instead...like lotion or deodorant.
So I then purchased KY with the boy standing on one side of me and Toby on the other. The cashier at CVS then felt the need to ask me if we were all together, and then swipe the KY FOUR TIMES. I was absolutely convinced that it was going to become a horribly embarressing price-check moment. It's not at all that I'm embarressed to buy sex related products. Quite the contrary, I handle condoms and lube and dental dams all day. Rather, it's that a fucking scene had to be made by the idiotic and sexually unappealing high school dropouts who work at CVS. As any sexually experienced person knows, lube only makes the sex better. A drop or two inside the condom does wonders, as well as a few on the outside. Not only does it increase pleasure and decrease irritation, but it is also helpful for the prevention of sexually transmitted infections. Lube helps to keep the condom from breaking. However, to the average American, KY means one thing and one thing only: anal sex. This was, of course, the assumption that Russell and my roommates made. Now, I'm not knocking anal sex. I simply don't like the idea of people speculating about my sex life--especially the bums who work at CVS and the college students who hang out there 24 hours a day. For god's sake, I post an online journal displaying more information than most do about their "intimate encounters." Don't speculate about what I do in my bedroom. You can read about it for free, or for a little extra, see something a little more stimulating...just kidding.
All and all, the weekend was outstanding, and the boy was exactly what I needed. Could this be the beginning of a new era?
posted by The Husskateer at 10:29 PM
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