MC: OCD Medication & Socializing
As proof that I'm officially old and boring, I've taken to obsessively reading Missed Connections at least twice a day. It's fascinating stuff--people hate each other, people love each other, people are lonely and shy, and people are lonely and brazen. It's like a giant soap opera with thousands of characters. Or, really, the three guys who post on there everyday.
After admitting that I require my daily fix of MC (regardless of whether it disrupts my working, sleeping, and even fucking time), I would also like to note the systemic problems with MC that are driving me bat shit crazy. Here's a short list:
1. Descriptions are never specific enough. "Cute girl on the metro" does not tell me who you are referring to. Even mentioning "Cute guy with a blue shirt on the metro" is not helpful. Three million people work in DC everyday, and it's a well known fact that the average male DC worker wears a blue shirt 84 percent* of the time. Besides, there are several metro lines, running lots of trains all day long, on which I'm assuming every asshat is wearing some shade of blue.
2. People try to cleverly use Missed Connections as a forum for the agony and the ecstasy of their already occurring interpersonal relationships. Further, it ceased to be original to post a "MC with deodorant" or "MC with courtesy" the day after Craig's List was invented. Stop doing it, or I will poke you in the eye.
You may be saying to yourself, "But isn't that what you just did in the title of this post?" To you I say, "Shut up. Oh, and by the way, you're adopted."
3. Posts always seem to describe the same kind of boy/girl. You know, the beautiful kind that dresses extremely well, went to an Ivy League college, has a great job, a loving family and a hypo-allergenic cat, and reads to blind orphaned widows on the weekends. First, it's not fair that those people are more valuable to society that those of us who are smart enough to be sarcastic and downright mean. Second, people such as those are always missed by everyone they know because they're so perfect. Those who "miss" perfect people from a distance and post perpetually unanswered MC's about them are called stalkers. Creepy.
4. I swear most of the posts happen outside of DC, which infuriates me. If you're young and you live in the suburbs, you are definitely cheap, boring, and prematurely old. Don't ever post another MC, or procreate. Please. Also, this makes me feel as though I'm missing out on something by living in DC and not commuting via Orange Crush on daily basis. Then I get angry because I live in DC to avoid having to commute, and there is no rational basis for me to be jealous of god damn commuters.
5. The most glaring oversight, so far as I can see, with the MC system is that none of the posts are directed at me. Wait, let me rephrase. I think none of the posts are directed at me. I honestly find myself racking my brain (and wasting a good hour of otherwise productive time every day), trying to think of where I was at various points in recent history, and what I was wearing, and whether I "shared a moment" with anyone. That's so shameful, but it'd be worse to say that I don't do it. Feed the ego.
Occasionally, I'll get a little sad that no one posts about me. Of course, never this sad. Then I remember what I look like when I leave the house, and where I go. I wear jeans almost every day. This is generally paired with a fetching t-shirt and my hair freaking out thanks to the humidity. Beyond that, I'm clearly not frequenting the parts of the city populated by people who use Craig's List. I work in the ghetto, and spend most of my time there. In fact, I don't even take the metro to work. Therefore, I absolve myself from any sadness over not being noticed. And now I'm going to stuff my face and watch a Beavis and Butthead marathon.
*This statistic may or may not be entirely fabricated, and could not be confirmed by a reputible source at the time of publication.
After admitting that I require my daily fix of MC (regardless of whether it disrupts my working, sleeping, and even fucking time), I would also like to note the systemic problems with MC that are driving me bat shit crazy. Here's a short list:
1. Descriptions are never specific enough. "Cute girl on the metro" does not tell me who you are referring to. Even mentioning "Cute guy with a blue shirt on the metro" is not helpful. Three million people work in DC everyday, and it's a well known fact that the average male DC worker wears a blue shirt 84 percent* of the time. Besides, there are several metro lines, running lots of trains all day long, on which I'm assuming every asshat is wearing some shade of blue.
2. People try to cleverly use Missed Connections as a forum for the agony and the ecstasy of their already occurring interpersonal relationships. Further, it ceased to be original to post a "MC with deodorant" or "MC with courtesy" the day after Craig's List was invented. Stop doing it, or I will poke you in the eye.
You may be saying to yourself, "But isn't that what you just did in the title of this post?" To you I say, "Shut up. Oh, and by the way, you're adopted."
3. Posts always seem to describe the same kind of boy/girl. You know, the beautiful kind that dresses extremely well, went to an Ivy League college, has a great job, a loving family and a hypo-allergenic cat, and reads to blind orphaned widows on the weekends. First, it's not fair that those people are more valuable to society that those of us who are smart enough to be sarcastic and downright mean. Second, people such as those are always missed by everyone they know because they're so perfect. Those who "miss" perfect people from a distance and post perpetually unanswered MC's about them are called stalkers. Creepy.
4. I swear most of the posts happen outside of DC, which infuriates me. If you're young and you live in the suburbs, you are definitely cheap, boring, and prematurely old. Don't ever post another MC, or procreate. Please. Also, this makes me feel as though I'm missing out on something by living in DC and not commuting via Orange Crush on daily basis. Then I get angry because I live in DC to avoid having to commute, and there is no rational basis for me to be jealous of god damn commuters.
5. The most glaring oversight, so far as I can see, with the MC system is that none of the posts are directed at me. Wait, let me rephrase. I think none of the posts are directed at me. I honestly find myself racking my brain (and wasting a good hour of otherwise productive time every day), trying to think of where I was at various points in recent history, and what I was wearing, and whether I "shared a moment" with anyone. That's so shameful, but it'd be worse to say that I don't do it. Feed the ego.
Occasionally, I'll get a little sad that no one posts about me. Of course, never this sad. Then I remember what I look like when I leave the house, and where I go. I wear jeans almost every day. This is generally paired with a fetching t-shirt and my hair freaking out thanks to the humidity. Beyond that, I'm clearly not frequenting the parts of the city populated by people who use Craig's List. I work in the ghetto, and spend most of my time there. In fact, I don't even take the metro to work. Therefore, I absolve myself from any sadness over not being noticed. And now I'm going to stuff my face and watch a Beavis and Butthead marathon.
*This statistic may or may not be entirely fabricated, and could not be confirmed by a reputible source at the time of publication.
posted by The Husskateer at 8:24 PM
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